Portly Princess of Pop Postulates - plonker.

English newspapers have always intrigued and really rather disappointed me. I can read a headline in the tabloids, shake my head and wonder if those reading it really are taken in by the print. The spreadsheets don't get off lightly either. Do people think that the people writing the columns are wise sagely beings who speak for the nation? Wake up and smell the tea bags people.

Today I took Harry to the cinema and stopped off at McDonalds for a quick breakfast. The Daily mail was around and a piece of 'commentary' caught my eye. The story was about Lily Allen, she had been co presenting an award with the loathsome Elton John. I felt bile rise in my stomach as I read on.

Allen had bitten back at the princess when he made a quip about her drinking. Allen angrily replied that she still had her life to live and had 40 years ahead of her. Good comment I thought.

The hissy fitting wig wearing knob end, real name Reginald Dwight then made a retort that was so very clever: " I could still snort you under the table"

Oh how I laughed, how I held my sides at the thought of fat Reg using cocaine. What a great advert for all and sundry. Never mind the massively spiralling drug driven crime on our streets, or the kids driven to the street by the vile grip of class A drugs - everyone stand up and salute the near pensionable age balding bloater - because he can snort Lily Allen under the table. Stop the press, ignore the plight of those in Haiti, because piggy Reg does drugs - hilarious. Or not. The man is a class A turd.

I find Reg Dwight's (I'm not using his silly stage name) attitude and lifestyle sickening to the pit of my stomach.

Sir Reginald Dwight - anagram 'danger whilst rigid' - is no doubt a musical genius, but he's also a detestable moron who is idiotic enough to make such a stupid quip. This from the 'man' who spends hundreds of thousands of pounds on flowers each year - the very thought of that waste of money sickens me. Don't misquote me or think I'm alluding to his homosexual lifestyle - I'm not, it's him, just him. I cannot abide him.

...and the commentary from the paper? They were having a go at Lily Allen for saying she felt depressed. Not a word about fat Reg. Incredible.

Whenever I heard Fat Reg's music before, I cringed. Now I'm going to make an effort to run and switch it off if I can.

I'd love to see Reg stripped of his knighthood. I'd like him to be Jade Goodied. Make him lose his money and while his life away in Tower Hamlets.

Candle in the wind? More like a fat princess covered in charlie... I cannot bear the man. I hope the nation follows suit.