I work in a small office - there's just ten of us and we all get on exceptionally well. We have an office up in the North of England where there's a good fifty or so folks - again all nice folks.
I was copied into a mail quite by mistake from some of the folks up North who had been looking at this blog.
I've always viewed the blog as a way to get stuff off my chest - express what I'm thinking, and just be a place where I suppose I can just vent. It's something I've always enjoyed and quite honestly never really worried about, that is, until I received this email:
This was the mail as I opened it - the blue characters are the mail to me, the content beneath is from a mail that had done the rounds between a few folks. It does worry me that a solicitor can't spell the word 'insight' but nevertheless:
An illuminating insite into the mind of a fantasist.
Sent: 18 July 2007 11:01
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: Wise words
I have seen the light. Be inspired by this utter bollocks!:-
I laughed at it initially, but, thinking about it now I actually feel a bit hurt by it. The chap who'd sent me the mail meant, I think, to send the mail to someone with a similar work mail. Then again, he could have sent it to me quite purposely. Who knows?
The linked mail had sent my site's link around a few folks in the office, and it suddenly struck me - am I really just talking drivel? Some of the entries I've made on the blog are things that I've really worn on my sleeve - especially the entries that relate to my kids, stuff I feel very deeply about. The again, a bloke who writes poetry and talks about feeling pressured because of his kids? Sounds like something from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest doesn't it? Does it?
There's a generalisation that folks from the North of England are more gritty and hard than those in the south - I think that's a generalisation too far to be honest, but there may be some small truth to it. I remember when I first started at the practice, some colleagues who are no longer with us made snide remarks about the fact I'd taken the trouble to introduce myself to everyone and "........been too friendly - what's his agenda?" As it happens, I get on great with the folks up there on the whole and they're a good bunch.
So, have I just been setting myself up for a fall? Probably. In all honesty, a blog is, thinking about it, pretty geeky. Why should I write the way I feel up in a space for all and sundry to see? Is a diary not meant to be private?
I'm having mixed emotions about continuing this at the moment, yet feel compelled to write this as I'm thinking aloud. I just think it's a way to get stuff off my chest probably, and it's a lot easier than sitting on a couch talking to a quack. Then there's the ADD.... I immediately took down my cv and photo, I felt like such an idiot putting myself on show. Why on earth had I done that anyway? Have I been parading myself about like some sort of egotist? If I have, I honestly didn't mean to, and with hindsight I feel like such an idiot.
I do hate to think that others perceive me as some sort of Walter Mitty character though. I hate feeling patronised or the centre of some joke too.
It could be that blogs are generally pretty anonymous and they jar in context with 'real' life. A bit like a wedding I suppose, where your rough and ready rugger mates meet your granny and the gentle church minister - a collision of worlds.
I think I'm probably just a bit embarrassed if the truth is known. I know I'm looking forward to my holiday more than ever though.